An email from Future Me.

Dear Past Chris,

Hey Buddy! It’s Future Chris here (though usually people just call me Chris). I’ve heard that there is another Future Chris but I haven’t seen heard from him yet. Which, when I think about it,is somewhat chilling to ponder. But I’m sure it is all good in the hood. Yeah. People are saying that again. It went out of style for awhile, but after the decade-long bloody battle that was the Cliché Wars, it’s back. That was a dark and awful time.

So yeah. The present…I mean future (sorry). Neat times. Lot of crazy stuff happening nowadays. Today is Stephaniemeyersember the 13th, in the year 2041. You’re in your sixties now…but don’t sweat it. A fluke accident on the set of The Transporter Part 17 cured aging. We’re all good now. Let’s see…what’s new…

Oh while I think of it…Could you go online to Pizza Pizza and order a pizza delivery for today at…um…12:45 p.m.? Get the usual…but skip the Hyper Pepperoni. I don’t think that was invented yet. Just put it on your credit card. I’m tapped out at the moment but you know I’m good for it.

Ok. New stuff? Remember when I used to hope that one day Bionic Laser Arms would be a reality? Well guess what? “Pew pew pew” That’s right! WE HAVE A FRICKIN BIONIC L- hold on…pizza’s here—

—Man that’s good. Thanks.—WE HAVE A FRICKIN BIONIC LASER ARM NOW. The day this thing comes on the market we end up sawing our arm off at the shoulder to get one. Word of advice. Remember not to use the good towels. Wow…Kristy was not pleased with that. Though even she has to admit the arm is pretty slick. Well…she hasn’t admitted it so much out loud. It’s in her eyes though. I can see it.

So…I’d ask what’s new with you…but frankly I already know. And it’s just not that interesting. You might think that you are having a great time now, but no. You aren’t. I have a chart here somewhere which proves it. It will be another 12 years before interesting starts being a word you can legitimately use. Where the hell is that chart. It might have been eaten by the wombats. Wow. Wombats are everywhere. It’s wild. DO NOT TRY TO RIDE THEM! You will want to when you first see them migrating this way…Woah! That is one huuuuuuggggeeeee mistake we are going to make. Thankfully, the Bionic Laser arm will come in handy if you disregard this message. Which you probably will. I know I would.

You’re probably wondering how I’m able to send a message from the future. Not sure of the logic behind it. Someone spilled Red Bull on one of the servers at work and BAM…we have emails to the past now. Kind of cool. Not as useful as you would think though. Anytime you try to influence the past in a major way, for some strange reason, an elephant explodes. Completely blown apart in a loud soggy explosion. We went through a LOT of elephants before we figured that one out. There’s only about a dozen of them left, and to be honest, we’re kind of scared as to what would happen once they are gone. Mostly I just use it now to remind myself to set the Betamax to record something back to TV (Betamax eventually ends up coming back and dominating the market…not sure if this counts or not…but it might be worth an elephant exploding to invest in some Betamax stock).

Anyways…only another 20 seconds until todays temporal window is open on the server.

Have a good one!

Which you won’t…for another 12 years,

(Future) Chris


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