Archive for November, 2009

I Can’t Stop Coughing

Posted in Uncategorized on November 30, 2009 by moegreeb

CAN’T seem to shake this cough right now. Picked up a new bottle of cough syrup. Let’s see how this works. Safety first. Hmm…dosage seems to be 2tsps every four hours. Sounds good.

Egad, this stuff seems to be pretty vile. Hopefully it does the trick.

STILL coughing up a storm. Looks like it has been four hours so I guess it is safe to have a bit more of the cough syrup. Still pretty nasty. I wonder if there is something that I can mix with this to make it a little more palatable. Food for thought. 2 more teaspoons down. Throat seems soothed again for the time being.

COUGHING has returned with a vengance. It has only been a couple of hours since the last dose of medication. I suppose that a little early won’t make that much of a difference. Can’t stand the thought of that damned taste again though. Maybe with a bit of Jägermeister it won’t be so bad. Hell, the stuff already tastes kind of like cough syrup. That must mean they mix well.  Ok. 2tsps tossed in with a shot of Jäger. That is not so bad actually. Maybe one more shot of Jäger to wash it down. That’s good stuff.

BEEN two hours. Haven’t coughed too much lately but you can’t be too careful you no. Know. Small spelling error there. Oops. Yeah. Can’t be too careful. Hmm..don’t seem to be any clean teaspoons right now. 2Tspns must almost equal 1 tablespoon right? Close enough anyways. I gotta say this is tasting pretty damned good when mixed with the Jäger. I have to remememember this next time. Jäger + cough syrup is the bomb! Hey…a Jäger bomb! Ok…just laughed so hard I farted. I should sit down. This flu is getting to me. Quite dizzy suddenly.

START cough again. Yup. No idea how long its been. Time has no meaning. Einstein said that I think. Or that he was related to it. Not sure. All I know is he that he looked kind of like my uncle Carl and that guy was a twat waffle. Einstein was probably a jerk as well. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah. Time for for more Jäger. I mean cough syrup. I’ve already been drinking the Jäger. I can’t feel my teeth. Is that normal do you think? I really can’t tell by this point.

Oh well. 2 more tablespoons of the cough syrup down. Wait. Was I supposed to take tablespoons or teaspoons? I’d read the bottle but the English directions appear to have been replaced with some sort of Nordic runic language. That’s just weird.

NOT sure where I am or where my clothes are. Seems to be a lot of empty cough syrup bottles lying around here. Where the hell is that Bel Biv Devoe music coming from? This is all wrong. My head feels like it has been stuffed with Alf. Ugh. Hey. My cough seems to be gone. Completely. Guess cough syrup really works.

The Land of Moe

Posted in Uncategorized on November 23, 2009 by moegreeb

My wife and I bought a new house. I’m not going to lie to you. This is an amazing piece of property and land. Not only is it an amazing piece of property but I have some grandiose plans for it. Let me take you through the land of Moe.

Welcome to the land of Moe

 Let us ignore for a moment the glaring oversight of the bank’s judgement in evaluating my maturity as an adult and focus on what a kickass property this is.  It is impossible to deny what must be done with thi s property. I need to become a super villain. Or a mad scientist.  

One of the best features of this land is the pond. It is currently filled with koi. The problem with koi is that that they are not nearly intimidating enough.

The lion: Deadly on land or in water

You know what is a terrifying animal? A lion. A lion is king of the fricken jungle. The only logical thing to do is to buy several lions and fill my pond with them. They will swim around, lying in wait for, biding their time. Then when the moment is perfect…bam! He pounces…or whatever the proper term is for a lion leaping out of the water to attack someone. I might need to come up with a new term for it.  I expect it might get used a lot.

The glory of Gnome Island

Part of the idyllic charm of this property is the little island that occupies the pond. I’m not really a big fan of idyllic in general. This is why the island has been subsequently named Gnome Island. The island shall play home to an army of garden gnomes. Each slightly more disturbing than the last one. Why? Not a freaking clue. If you have a problem with it you can either take your chances in the pond with the lion or you can go and find your own damned island which you can name any damned thing you want.  

Here is the interior of the garage. I hope that the place comes with that time-travelling DeLorean that I assume is under the tarp.

 Here we can see the interior of the 6 car garage. I haven’t yet talked it over with my wife but I feel the best possible use of this space is to turn into a training space as I try and teach myself to be a ninja. Or a bear. Bears are pretty cool. I’m pretty sure that I would make one hell of a kick-ass bear. I wonder how much training is involved in that really. I suppose I need bigger claws. Can I just get those anywhere or do I need to grow them myself? I’m really not sure. I’m certainly going to need the training space. I have much to learn it seems.

Spacious ferret room

Over top of the garage is a very large open loft. I haven’t run all of the necessary numbers yet but my estamations lead me to beleive that I could fit several thousand live ferrets in there (provided they were stacked of course). I’m afraid I can’t tell you why yet. Just keep an eye on the news. If I’m unable to obtain the proper propulsion systems for the  ferrets (I might have said too much) then there is still plenty of space to chain many, many children to sewing machines, were one so inclined.

The Greenhouse. This caption isn't very funny. Sorry.

Really, who doesn’t want to have a greenhouse? A greenhouse represents man’s unwillingness to bow down to the dominance of the fickle dominance of nature by letting us flip the bird to the seaons. We plan on using this space to grow a variety of plants, and vegetables. Plus…I have other plans. The greenhouse is really quite essential.

Something I'm working on

So there you have it. This is just the outlines of my schemes. I can’t of course offer full disclosure as that would compromise everything. There are still a few details that need working out. For starters, I’m not sure what is involved in declaring property a fiefdom but I’m fairly certain that that is the direction that I would like to head. Now…if only I knew how to obtain serfs. And a tractor beam capable of capturing passing asteroids and hurling them down upon my enemies. I think it would compliment the gardens nicely.

So…A Writer You Say?

Posted in Uncategorized on November 15, 2009 by moegreeb

I did it today. For the first time ever, I referred to myself as a writer. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t feel strange to say it. It was difficult as well. Someone referred to me as a writer the other day and my first reaction was to balk at the idea. I’m not a writer. I work for a software company. That is what I do.

What is the problem though? Why can’t I refer to myself as that? It certainly can’t be denied. I love to write. It seems like every spare moment I have is spent writing. Either I’m writing for my blog, writing for the blog that I share with my friend Quincy, or writing for my novel. Yet there is still something that blocks me from being able to to call myself a writer.

I think one of the biggest impediments is that for the most part I lack the ability to see the worth in what I write. Don’t get me wrong. I think a lot of what I do is passable. I can express myself well enough. I’m a creative individual and I like my ideas. I’m just not necessarily certain that I have the skills required to be deserving of such a title. It is often said that we are our own worst critics and that is certainly true in my case. Reading my own work tends to leave me feeling disappointed. The thing is I haven’t stopped yet. For all that I complain and pick apart at what I write I seem to still carry on doing it.

I have the fear that when I start referring to myself as a writer that it carries a certain responsibility with it. Once I adopt that term I know that I owe it, to myself at the very least, to consistently put out the best that I can. No matter how silly a topic I choose to write about or how goofy a tone I set, I still need it to be of a quality that I can stand behind. That is hard for me but I think that I am getting there.

I might not like everything that I write. I might still see the flaws and the holes in my work but I won’t let it stop me. Instead I will try and work past them. I will continue to write every chance I get and to take some of these thoughts and pin them down on paper. I think I’m going to be okay with this.

Hi. My name is Chris. I’m a writer.

A Day In The Life Of Moe

Posted in Uncategorized on November 8, 2009 by moegreeb

8:15

Its Friday. Crap. Its last minute work day. Ok…if I start making my plans now I should be able to survive the day without being inundated with piles of urgent work that requires my attention. Where the hell are all my paperclips?

9:27

I am now in possession of all 73 staplers that are in this office. My message is strong and clear. I will not be trifled with. If anybody wants to staple anything they will have to go through me. They will not get through me. I want my paperclips back.

10:44

Hawaiian shirt day. This isn’t good. The easiest way to spot ninjas is their black outfit. Ninjas in Hawaiian shirts? Utterly udetectable. Precautions are going to need to be taken. I will not be taken unawares.

11:14

Starting to get drowsy. Wondering if my breakfast mimosas were spiked by a coworker. Stocking up on Diet Red Bull and about to consume a pot of coffee. If I fall asleep they win. Oh look…there are my paperclips.

11:32

Three Diet Red Bulls and 4 cups of coffee so far. Can’t seem to stop singing the theme song to the Smurfs. Need to use the bathroom.

11: 40

Have to pee again.

11:46

Have to pee again.

12: 15

Found out three of my coworkers brought roast beef sandwiches. I love roast beef sandwiches. Was able to eat all of the meat out of them while their backs were turned. One of them had mustard on it. I hate mustard. I’m pooping in his drawer later. No mustard!

1:00

Examining test reports. Need to task out team. I’ve gotten some good work done on the Software Test Plan. Think I should be able to get it finished shortly. Memo to self: Submit backlog of Problem Reports. Busy busy busy.

2:24

In meeting. Being asked questions. Stalling for time by answering all queries with “I will need to consult the ancient scriptures.” Getting puzzled looks. Damn. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought all the staplers with me but I’ll go to hell before I let someone else take them on me like they took my paperclips.

2:30

Just remembered that I had found my paperclips. I better hide the staplers before someone starts asking questions.

3:23

Timing my computers. Sometimes they lock me out after 14.9 minutes of inactivity yet other times it is 15.3 minutes. I don’t know what this means yet but it is disturbing. What other things aren’t working properly in here?

4:00

Finally. Workday is finished. Its been a busy one. Time to go home. As soon as I find a place to stash the bodies of all these Hawaiin shirt wearing ninjas.